Women: Preparing to File for Divorce
The possibility of filing for divorce may seem confusing, intimidating, or even terrifying. Unfortunately, many women who file for divorce may be met with hostility by narcissistic husbands who ignore their wives’ contributions to the family—and these men may lash out in response. For this reason, it’s vital that women are financially, emotionally, and physically prepared to take the necessary first steps.
Be Prepared Financially
Begin thinking about your post-divorce financial condition. Alimony is not guaranteed, and even in cases where alimony is obtained, lifetime alimony is more difficult to obtain than it used to be. Thus, except in certain cases it will be temporary. Also the amount may not be as much as you expect.
- Collect and keep financial records of the assets and debts. Don’t wait until later after the divorce if you can help it. Discovery will take place to review the assets, but it is so much easier to have the documents up front.
- Take documents and download or copy them.
- Check the mail if you think there may be assets that are undisclosed to you.
- Make an inventory of valuables such as jewelry, artwork, furniture, silverware and the like.
- Make post-divorce career plans. School? Employment? It is important both from a practical perspective and a legal perspective to be proactive in planning your future. In planning for the immediate divorce it is important, if possible, to:
- Save up liquid funds
- Set up a new bank account in your name only. Note that there may be times when transferring money from a joint account to your sole account may be important, if just to protect the money, or to create a liquid fund. Consult with your attorney in this regard.
- Open a credit card in your name only.
- If there are joint credit cards, discuss the issue with your attorney. This can be a complex issue.
Be Prepared Emotionally
Take good care of yourself. This is a very stressful time. The process takes time and cannot be rushed.
- Eat well, keep a good social circle, don’t put your life on hold. Be wary of friends and family who want to give you advice or to villainize your spouse. You need support and love but don’t get dragged down that rabbit hole. Your attorney is there to give you accurate legal advice. Some people know just enough to be dangerous.
- Visit a therapist to help you through this process. This is not something most people are prepared for, or perhaps ever expected they would go through. It is not weak to get therapy and it will not hurt your case for child custody. In fact the court will usually appreciate it if you seek out counseling.
- Don’t listen to the threats from your husband who may talk about how everything is his, or he will do x, y, or z to the children or whatever. Take in what your husband says simply as information to discuss with your attorney, but understand what he tells you is probably what we call ‘bluster’ and is meant simply to psychologically weaken and hurt you. It is a challenge sometimes to break a dependency relationship between a wife and husband. Listen to your attorney now, and not your husband’s advice.
- Don’t sink to the level of your husband if he starts acting badly. Be business-like and cordial, and work with your attorney. Let your husband do things that may ‘hang’ himself when it is brought out in open court.
- Keep a record of all evidence of threats and misconduct that he may make. Threatening texts and emails, or telling lies to shared friends have come back to haunt many a party. Take screen shots, print them out, or save them to Dropbox or otherwise. Don’t wait until later to download or print social media pages from your husband that may be valuable as those pages may later be restricted from your access or deleted.
- Don’t sink to the level of your husband if he starts acting badly. Be business-like and cordial, and work with your attorney. Let your husband do things that may ‘hang’ himself when it is brought out in open court.
Be Prepared Physically
Stay safe. If necessary call 911, get a Temporary Protection Order and the like. It is best to consult with your attorney first, as misusing these protections can hurt you later in your case. But legitimate use of these protections is encouraged. If there are legitimate threats and violence, you do not need to wait. When the need exists, get the TPO.
- Keep a journal, particularly in cases with child custody issues. Make sure to note how your husband is late returning the children, or other actions that may affect the best interests of the children. Keeping track of small infractions may be nagging, but are evidence of who the real primary parent is.
- Stay off of social media. Whatever you say can and will be used against you. It is amazing just how often people will say the most damning things on social media and often they don’t even think it is a damning comment. Once a party who claimed they could not work because of a back injury posted pictures of themselves water skiing.
- This goes without saying: retain a good lawyer. The lawyer you retain does matter, and sometimes, significantly.
Women face a double standard in divorce cases sometimes, and are often assigned blame by husbands who don’t want to take responsibility for the end of a marriage. Sometimes things work out smoothly, but so often this is not the case. What is needed is a sober plan to work through a divorce process in a Georgia court all the way to your post-divorce life. Yelling, screaming, and raging will not get you there. Let your husband do this, if he must and hurt his own case, but that is not the way to get your best results in a divorce in a Georgia court.
[I would add something like, often there are children involved, too. Therefore it is of utmost importance for her to take good care of herself, gain solid economic footing and hold herself to the highest standards in front of the court as she prepares a new future for all of them.
Scott Shaw is founder and principal of Shaw Law Firm PC, founded in 1995 and dedicated solely to divorce, family law and child custody matters that must be addressed and decided in the state of Georgia. Shaw Law Firm has offices in Dunwoody/Sandy Springs and serves the greater Metro Atlanta area, particularly the counties of Fulton, DeKalb, Gwinnett, Cobb, Cherokee, Forsyth, Paulding, Henry, Fayette, Coweta, Newton, Walton, Bartow and Douglas. Schedule a consultation today or call us at 770-594-8309.